Mediation: Why it Works

Mediation works because it provides Perspective, Creativity, and finally a Level Playing Field. 

Perspective: 
     Mediation does not mean it’s a boy against the girl’s scenario.  The divorcing couple can be rest assured that each perspective will be heard in a safe environment and will be considered into their agreement.

Creativity:
     As mediators we are able to bring to the table experience from subsequent divorces.  With the experience that we have, it’s unlikely that there is anything that can be thrown at us that we haven’t seen before.
     In addition, we as mediators are able to include experts in tax, finance, mortgage and business to join the mediation session which is beneficial because it helps to offer information and solutions.  This gives couples solid information in making decisions today that will affect the rest of their lives.

Level Playing Field: 
     This is probably the most overlooked but most important area of mediation. There is an extreme amount of anxiety and possible mistrust that is generated at the time of a divorce.  Making sure that neither spouse overpowers the other with emotional or financial control is critical.
     Good mediators can ascertain each person’s underlying interest verses their exterior positions and address that interest while keeping the playing field level.
     No one wants or likes to be taken advantage of.  It’s a mediator’s responsibility to help make sure both parties are being fair and equitable with each other.  Having a good mediator helps ensure that this can happen. 
      We like to know about the children.  What ages they are, what activities are they involved in, have they been informed regarding the impending divorce?  With the questions that are asked we are better able to build a profile so that  we an be of service in each area that they need.  For example, if we find that one of the children has a learning disability, We are better able to address that in the parenting plan and make sure that those needs are considered and accommodations provided.
     We are acutely aware of body language.  We listen intently to verbal and non-verbal clues that may need to be brought out and addressed.
     For instance, if we are discussing alimony, we will watch and listen closely to each party to determine the level of willingness or unwillingness.  Perhaps there seems no resistance on the part of the husband to pay alimony but when an amount is mentioned that exceeds his expectation he may be hesitant to verbalize it for fear of polarizing his wife.  He then will become fidgety and may make the comment “I don’t know how I can even pay rent now.”
     At that point we will often call a caucus.  This is where we will ask for a short break to visit with each spouse individually.  This is a time when we can further discuss our options and redirect the alimony payment to how much needs to be paid.
     The mediator has the ability to handle all the aspects and dynamics of a mediation session. 
-Written by Shirley Pappin, Founder and Master Mediator of The Divorce Mediation Institute of Utah