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DIVORCE: The Fear Factors

Of all the major decisions that can affect a person’s life, certainly divorce would be ranked one of the highest. After all, everything we have or that brings us joy in this life can either is categorized into family or possessions and few events affect these two things like a divorce can. It is easy to see why divorce causes so much stress in a person’s life.
I have listened to hundreds of questions that divorcing couples have asked me regarding what to expect in a divorce. I have determined that most of the questions that are asked are a result of one of three concerns. I have labeled these concerns the

“Three Fear Factors”.
By far the most common concern a person has in a divorce is “Am I going to get a fair deal?” The second biggest fear people have is “How much will this divorce cost?” and the third biggest fear people have is “How long will my Divorce take?” I would like to talk about these 3 fear factors in detail and suggest some ideas to try and minimize these fears.
Everybody knows somebody who got “screwed” in a divorce. In fact I think if you talked to any person who went through a divorce and asked them about the outcome you would be hard
Pressed to find anybody who was overjoyed at the outcome and felt they got a fair shake.
Either they felt that the custody or visitation was unfairly awarded by the judge, or they felt that they should have not had to pay so much alimony or maybe they should have been entitled to more equity in the home.
The fears people face on how fair the outcome will be are very real and can be a great cause of stress.

To appreciate this fear, one must understand the process of how a litigated divorce works. In a litigated divorce you have a Petitioner (the person who initiates the divorce process) and the Respondent. They both hire an attorney to represent them and pay that attorney to try and persuade a judge in a way that will get them the best deal possible. Keep in mind; the attorneys do not make any of the final decisions, only a judge can do that. That attorney will use the existing laws and guidelines to build a case and present that case to the judge. Sometimes that means the attorney not only has to make their client look good but also has to make their client’s spouse look bad.
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